Several years ago, during one of my early workshops with a group of Czech managers, I was told that I smiled like an American. Being French, I wondered what that meant and if it was good or bad. After asking, the participant who made the comment told me, “I don’t know yet.”
Smiling is perceived as a visual signal of sincere happiness and/or appreciation and it is also a tool many of us use to connect with others. But for the Czechs, it seems someone is a hypocrite if he smiles at someone he doesn’t know, or doesn’t like; many Czechs just don’t smile if they don’t feel like it.
Sartre believed people should be judged only by their actions and not by their deepest thoughts, as they are not responsible for how they feel, yet are responsible for how they behave. Shall we judge people by their behavior or for their thoughts? Do we have to know people to smile at them? Do we have to feel good and happy to smile?
Based on our personal references and cultural backgrounds, we might be inclined to be mainly nice and polite with nice and polite people, and not so polite to people whose behaviors we find offensive. In some cultures, though, such as the British and American, how you feel is irrelevant – the social interaction and behavior must be within the expected norms. If you don’t smile you are considered rude.
In other cultures, the Czech among them, sincere behavior is what counts, and smiling without feeling happy is considered hypocritical. If for you, smiling is a sign of sincere appreciation, you might not be able to smile when you don’t feel like it, and you will judge people who do smile politely as hypocritical and insincere.
Regardless of our personal values and cultural background, smiling is still one of the best and most powerful ways to connect with people. It works because it is almost impossible not to return a smile. Smiling is contagious and helps cheer us up.
During the sixteen years I have lived in Prague, I have learned to accept that if Americans smile more than the average European, the Czechs smile a lot less than what I am used to. I don’t know if I smile like I am American or French. I do know I smile often.
I usually smile because I like to smile and because it makes me feel better. Even when my mood is blue, I do my best to smile – not a forced, insincere grin, but an easy, relaxed smile, which allows me to relate to others in a nice and pleasant manner. And I think it works for me.
Will it work for you? Try it. Smile, and see how the world responds to you.